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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Feed My Mind With LOVE



Waters of life flood my bosom
Well springs granted to restore ruins
Alluding matters of the heart, alone-ness of thought
Beloved I was taught
The usefulness of time, not the science behind the clock
Long suffering, fragments of the Rock
Pillars of the greater good is where I walk
Queuing Heaven's harp from the stairwell to hell
My vision aligned...I will only excel
Inhale the Mighty Comfort, clarity from a dying hunger
Infinite dimensions, Loves wonder
Illuminates the temple amongst the...passing seas
Fragile frequencies whistles the winds agony
And actually I'm just a cousin to the Sun
Sister of the Moon from the vessel of the One
Indefinitely hung...amidst universal truth
Bearing great fruit, not a student of the loop...tantamount
Illusive peace that they're handing out
But purified in retrospect of my sprout
Risen from the drought's...sweet fragrance
What you see as done...I see Change in

Feed My Mind with Love - Ensilcence ♥


https://soundcloud.com/ensilence/feed-my-mind-with-love-maloon 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Guilty Pleasures


Sweets on my mind.

What do you know about those caramel sour apple suckers? What do you know about fruity bubblegum blunts?!! Wash it down with some OJ. Yeah.




Mama


Dedicated to her with love:

Cradled warmth. Hands part callous.
Love plays on her soul like an unending ballad.
Absolute balance, found joy in her silence.
Grounded despite the troubled times surmounting.
Still smiling amongst the burden heavy on her backbone.
Spine intact, still holding down the black home.
Prone to be alone in her walk.
But a Queen in the kingdom, many crowns on her heart.
Garments of the righteous.
Diamonds in her footsteps. 
Examined the light, knew the dark was the true test.
With every good breath, I honor ya.
Lay my life down, I'll go to war for ya.
And the story ain't complete without your gentle touch.
Innocence shines like a thousand splendid suns.
Radiant without condition.
Delicate but still strong to go on, ignite the mission.

I Love You

-Ensilence

Recommended Reads



Yes the first one arrived. :) This was recommended by my sistren. 

I've read quotes and done some background on Mr. Gibran but had yet to read one of his works in full. I began on The Prophet yesterday and to put it lightly... his style is beautiful. His words are like silk as every line weaves seamless and gently to the other packing a powerful yet loving punch. 

I will give my thoughts on it's entirety after completion. So far I will say I am genuinely interested in the rest of his work.



-ensilence


 

Monday, January 28, 2013

Say Cheese

 Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese



If you don't know by now....I love Hats lol

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Extraordinary

“You are far, far greater than you know - and all is well.” 

 ― Kahlil Gibran

Stillness






Sometimes one needs to quiet the mind, to let it rest. Let go. Embrace stillness.

These scriptures upon my heart.

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:14

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:17 


Skin Deep


How should I start this entry? 

Ok at times I am uncomfortable with how I see myself, though the physical is just a shell, I am bombarded by insecurities. You know those unspoken thoughts that keep reminding one of inward and outward shortcomings. I have spoken on this many times before. I need to do a lot of uprooting, so I have to remind myself of why I feel the way I do and how I am going to put it to death.


This blog is not only for my artistic endeavors but my personal experiences, it is for healing, and as I stated above, putting to death my fears and insecurities. I often battle with should I really expose myself in this way? Am I leaving myself open to be wounded? When in reality the wounds exists from within. It will not hurt me for I already have faced the truth of self. I am an open book and  I am leaving my comfort zone in the past...it is very difficult though.

That was the intro of this entry and I still don't know how to go into this lol. This may come out jumbled, nonetheless, I will get to the point. A strange thing happened in my adult years instead of my teens, I began to "break out" aka acne something fierce. Not light but heavy, extremely heavy. This cause me to go into dark withdraw from everything/everybody and magnified every harsh feeling I had about myself, overall severely depressed  It was terrible.I want to link it to stress and poor diet but really it's pretty hereditary. I avoided pictures like my life depended on, I avoided the opposite sex and deemed I will be "forever alone". How does one's skin dictate this though? How does outward appearance make one feel worthless? That is mental sickness. Rigid and low self esteem leads to a very dismal existence. Excuse my language but that shit is a cycle and generational curse that HAS to be broken, or one will be forever "broken". How I let myself get to these levels of despair is beyond me. But I renounce and cast that shit OUT.

My fear was to ever release these types of photos out there but I have to confront MY fear and HEAL.

As you can see in many of my pictures I take off the blemishes.

Yo, this was my skin in 2011.


This is my skin now 2013



My whole point is this, if you can't properly love self then how can you go on loving someone else without the underlying feeling that your flaws dictate how he or she views you? It will cause a rift in the relationship therefore becoming unbalanced and unhealthy.

SELF LOVE..

I am healing internally and externally :)

Much Love and Blessings

-ensilence

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Donny at Dawn


Start the day off soothing the soul

I Was Wondering If...





I was wondering if...
I can grip on your stick shift? 
slippery and wet, Ugh...when you lick this
your thirst, I'ma quench it
tongue twisting submission. What's the request?
various positions? I suggest you listen
Make this easier
natural seduction the way my body's leadin' ya
I won't be teasin' ya...because we done the foreplay 
up against the wall, near the door-way
this is a Full plate...I'll be feedin' ya
ain't no easin' up...another hour on hold
joy ride the top, I like the Power...Control
feeling bold near the climax, I want to grind that
until you let go and push my spine back
shhhhhhhh...rewind that.
Unadulterated.
savor every memory, I'm your favorite
freak nasty, you can name it
sexual language...physical...mentally tame it
satisfy every craving...I'ma drain it
and I hope you bring it.

-Ensilence

I Don't Mind


Overwhelmed with LOVE is something I don't mind.

I WANT to be overwhelmed.

Do you?



WTF is an Ensilence?!

Yo YOU tell me!!!


:)


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Shaolin Jazz

This made my day :)



Wednesday, January 23, 2013

They Shoot



Fuck poems
and they are useful, they shoot
come at you, love what you are,
breathe like wrestlers, or shudder
strangely after pissing. We want live
words of the hip world live flesh &
coursing blood. Hearts Brains
Souls splintering fire.

From Black Art
a poem by LeRoi Jones (Amiri Baraka)









New Interview :)

I would like to gives a big thanks again to TLG magazine and John Opfer for the interview. It is very much appreciated!

You can read the interview here:

http://tlgmagazine.com/ensilence-interview/
------------------------------------------------------------



Text: John Opfer
 
Ensilence began writing lyrics at the tender age of 14 and became more and more interested in taking it all the more seriously when she realized the power of what she could procure, be it crowd response and participation or personal statement. It was no longer about rhymes but more about message and purpose. “I didn’t get serious with my music until I was about 19 but even before then I knew that this was something I wanted to do. In fact, it was something I had to do.”
She had a modest upbringing but “was blessed to live in a home where love covered any shortcomings.” There wasn’t much of a hip hop scene in her home town though she claims that this is something which has been steadily changing over the last few years. “The hip hop scene in New Castle is growing which is a beautiful sight to see,” she enthuses “Hip Hop has influenced so many people’s lives that it’s only right that you see some type of representation spring-up. I’m glad to be a part of it.”
Her musical influence rooted from many a legendary figurehead of the culture: Nas, Wu- Tang, The Roots and Rakim (Nas undoubtedly her favourite). It was the consistency in the music and the sharpness of each individual’s craft which inspired Ensilence to begin writing herself. “Those brothers were the foundation to me. They set the groundwork that I built upon and I salute them. I am very humbled to be able to carry in tradition. Music has no limitations; its influence is boundless, that is why I love it. It’s a universal language! If my music can grab the ears and heart of one person then I’ve done my job.”

Just after releasing her 4th full-length album in June entitled Exile, which she describes as being a ‘personal’, ‘raw’ and ‘straight to the point’ release which encompasses everything that she is, she explains “I wanted the sound to take me back to the essence of why I fell in love with Hip Hop. I have more passion now than I ever did, as I am growing as an artist and I believe the more one grows, the more one knows his or herself. The expression becomes more potent when you have an understanding of what you can do with it. My love goes deeper than just making music. It’s about not being afraid to share a piece of my mind with the rest of the world.”
Every lesson or experience she’s endured is what shapes her reality and ultimately her music. Life keeps her inspired. She doesn’t believe that hip hop will ever die because there will always be at least one artist that represents the true essence of how it all started. “There is so much talent out there,” she says. “You have to look for it but believe me, it’s there. And I would personally like to thank all of those who have supported me from day one. And a big shout out to my fans, the producers and artists I have been blessed to work with.’’
You can download Ensilence’s album, Exile from Bandcamp.


Monday, January 21, 2013

Family Ties



young teenage Brit


 From left to right: My mama (Killin that afro puff! YES! lol), baby sister (middle) and my cousin.

Far left is the oldest baby sister and my little brother to the right.
All of us on a Christmas day. I was about 12. 


I been wanting to write this post for a while but kept over thinking it, trying to come up with the right words instead of just the writing words. I will let it flow freely.

They are my foundation and inspiration God has provided me with and I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like without them. Like many families, we have our dysfunction but its never been anything major, more like "who left their stankin' drawers on the floor?!!" or "Yo, who ate my last piece of cake?!" type of stuff. Lol.  I just had a discussion recently with my sister and I remember candidly stating how blessed we are to have unconditional LOVE for each other. No matter how pissed, how twisted attitudes get, at the end of the day, before we close our eyes to rest, we all tell each other "I love you." That has been embedded and it is pure and true. I remember my mom repeating this scripture to us, Ephesians 4:26 -Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

That verse always stuck with me. How awful is it to wake up a vexed spirit? Or carrying a grudge on your heart against your fellow man from a silly disagreement? Some people go on like this for YEARS and it is such a sad sight to behold. It is vital to understand that life is too precious to allow petty things to create a barrier between us. We know that the only separation that could ever be between us would be the distance from which we decide to live, our love can't be divided. I thank the Most High everyday for our closeness. As I became older I realized how precious this bond is and I thank my mother for being, as a friend stated, the matriarchal anchor. Even when holding it down by herself she remained strong, even when she thought she wasn't, we seen the God in her. I love her dearly. I would go to war for her, I would die for this woman. Oh yeah, the crazy goofy personality I have...I get it from her. lol

Honestly, love is all I know and what has kept me from losing my sanity. I count my blessings for there are those who do not know of such a bond. We come from a humble and modest living, the thing is we didn't notice we did because our focus wasn't on the materialistic drive that some chase but it was about sticking together and growing to support and build each other up.  Our focus will always be that. I love watching my younger siblings grow...even though it makes me sad how fast time is flying. At times I want to protect them from the craziness of this world but have to understand they have their own journeys and paths. They have to discover who they are...but I'll still molly-wop someone for looking at them wrong, don't get it twisted lol.

Overall I am truly thankful. Despite the madness I may face in my own life, I can call up, talk, hug, cry, vent to my family. We share that. I pray it may be the same for my little ones day.

Much Love

-ensilence

The Old "Brit"


My mother pulled out some old photos from several years ago to show me and I was astounded by what I saw. I must say I do not miss those days. I also wasn't aware of how heavy I actually was then. Health makes a world of difference and I do not plan on going back. Let me cement that statement, I WILL NOT go back to what I once was.








The fight continued



What you think is impossible in your mind can be obtainable. Your fears/demons can be conquered. Keep pressing and shining. 


Sunday, January 20, 2013

Inside Look...



....of some unheard recorded joints, talking collabs, a new verse and some random stuff. :)


Saturday, January 19, 2013

Where ARE You?



Your Smile.

Your Inspiration.

Your Grace. 

Your Genius.

Your Light.

Your Love.

Your Touch.

Your Story.

Don't hide from the world, for it needs the sincerity of your presence.

-ensilence

Friday, January 18, 2013

Who Are You?



Purging:

Some people will literally try to break your spirit, whether it is planting seeds of doubt in your dream, trying to alter your views with the notion that theirs are "superior" in a sense, or surrounding themselves with such negativity that it becomes who they are. I sincerely feel for sad for these souls, instead of being free to be who they want, they are man pleasers. We all have our inner struggles, that is understandable but for one to become so embittered  that one needs to impose his or her bitterness on those surrounding, is a damn shame. Be who you are called to be : Yourself. I am a God fearing woman, yet I refuse to have any individual or religion confine and define who I am. The definition of happiness is different for everyone so stop looking for those around you to provide this. Find your path, discover what makes you glow and smile. It is more difficult to live vicariously through another individual than it is to discover the diamond inside of yourself.  Fear and ignorance will have you doing all kinds of crazy things. How about you open your mind... or better yet your heart. EMPATHY. Change starts inside and works it's way to the outer. Stop trying to cut, shape and mold others when YOU yourself haven't been in the fire long enough. 

As it is said, Be the change you wish to see...or be silent.


Much Love. 

-Ensilence




Thursday, January 17, 2013

Awkward Black Girl




If you are not already watching this hilarious web series then you are missing out! One of my favorites. There are two seasons so far. Check it out here: Start from the beginning!  lol









Tuesday, January 15, 2013

#LoveFaces


When music GIVES it to me...









I know I'm terrible LOL It be like that sometimes. ;)

Aint Nothin Poppin but Window Shoppin!


Some flicks from my window shopping session last week. I fell in love with this leather white leather joint, I prefer it in black but I can't front my frame looks good sitting on that!!! 







How about this King size bed fit for a Queen. You can roll three times and still have some bed left Lol. Yo...I would wreck this...catching mad Zzzzzzz's and then some.


I want that lamp. It's kind of retro but I dig it. :) Actually the whole set reminds my of that throwback era.


Eh this is just some get my sexy on in the shower cave at Home Depot lol


Talkin All That Jazz

Jazz has made it's way to my heart. I've always listened but not heavy. I am now am an avid listener to this beautiful music. My, my, my! 









      





Sunday, January 13, 2013

I Think


Long suffering is
to reach out  to touch the mirages in my imagination
the Oasis undiscovered.
Undisclosed.
Breathless.
I retreat inside self.
Here...I find it just as merciless as outside.
Restless. 
I dig the sunshine more than rain
but I need the rain to know I can feel.
Growth doesn't stop because of pain.

-ensilence

Searching


Solitude


I am foolish.

I am forgotten.

Music is keeping me alive.

-ensilence


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Bizarre Crush




Rising early I
stretch to break the steps on a worldly stride
time moving by in a blink of an eye
all I can think is why...I need to see him
no productive reason...how he keeps me cheesin
all sets of teeth
feels like I'm on a leather leash
awkward none the least, it won't let me speak
plus I'm tryna kiss his mental
soul connect, it's all respect, maybe he can enter this temple
to keep it simple yet sensual 
I gotta keep my thirst to a minimal, cause he's not the typical
runnin high to chase a nut and I like his strut
I tried to wisen up
not stuck on stupid, but if the shoe fits
my heart won't let me do it
cruisin like Smokey down the avenue
and keep the loose lit
it's proven...a bizarre crush
ice cream, get in these guts
stay lifted like the dutch

...He keeps on passin me by

-Ensilence





Friday, January 11, 2013

Know Roles


The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.

James Baldwin

Session: Begin


A bowl of soup, pen, notebook, instrumental of choice, and imagination, provides the backdrop for the beginning of a writing session.

Morning writing session. It's been a while since I penned potent poetry. I need and want to do it again. Those first lines, the opener, is always difficult to create but after that, the flow can't be stopped.

Concepts. Time. Creation. Brainstorm. Write. Completion.

Record.

Release.

Repeat.

The lifestyle of an artist is Uncensored Creation.

I never thought I would get this far with it to be honest. I never thought my love for it would run this deep.  

-ensilence




Thursday, January 10, 2013

The god MC

This man is the father of my style

Rakim the god MC



One of my favorite tracks I pay tribute to him. This man's style, flow, concepts, and rhyme scheme was ahead of its time. Salute.






I Arrived!


LOL How true is this?  We still reach our destination, just arriving from different paths.



Deeply Rooted


Divine Purpose.
You're worth more than any words can scribe. No pen stroke can author the value of your soul.
Dream out of control.
Tell your story with vigor.
Live with gratitude.
Live, breathe, and speak Love.
Know your worth.
Before you water your roots, you must acknowledge they exist in full truth.

You are rooted deeply with Purpose.

-Ensilence


Moments Like This


"Sometimes at night I can not sleep
I think of you with revering
But like an ancient melody
You're beautiful but melancholy

If I could
Don't you know I would
Take the pain away from

My Valentine Tell me why
Why you never smile
 

What can I do
To get through to you
My funny Valentine
I'd do anything just to see you smile

 

I know obsession is a sin
But I feel you underneath my skin
Are you the prize that I'll never win
Because you haunt me like a thousand violins
   

But I won't give up, no 
Until I earn your trust
 

Cause you're a part of me
And it's my destiny to fly away with

My Valentine..."

Amazing how a song can speak what you feel.



 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

SoulKonect






I listen carefully but am sometimes awe struck by Loves impulse...
 

You are on my mind constantly and consistently. I dream of you in hopes one day you may say yes, as well as naively thinking, maybe I can change your mind. This is not operated under the spell of lust but the nakedness of love.
 

I pray one day you'll be fully open to it. I will share your burden, support your vision, protect your heart, and I will listen. You're not alone.
 

We can not be chained to tradition. We are Unconventional. Our canvas may be light-years apart yet our spirits are closely interwoven. Why wait until the next lifetime?
 

So let's dance. Let us dream together. Let's share worlds.
 

I believe in that old time LOVE.

-ensilence


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Rare ATCQ



I had to turn back the hands of time to show you that I was in the original A Tribe Called Quest...but I had to go to work and ish.








Monday, January 7, 2013

The Double R's






I find myself fearing Regret more than Rejection. Instead of reasoning with doubt, I will rise to the occasion.  I don't want to live with the "what if's", I rather just go out and "do" instead. 

Remember you are greater than your situation. Change your perspective. 

-ensilence

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Stuck Off the Realness

This has been in my head all morning.


"Your crew is featherweight..."


Taking It Way Back

I've always wanted to do one of those fly oldschool photoshoots. Rocking some fresh kicks with the dookie gold chain rope, crispy skinny jeans and a fly jacket near the train tracks. YES. 

Or I could get on my rugged raw with the Timbs, baggy jeans, hoody beneath the goose vest with the baseball bat! I have to do one of these soon.  I did cop some fake Cazals with a red Kangol last year lol On my LL cool J ish. I just copped two sets a batteries for my digital camera so I might as well take some interesting flicks. I thought about doing it today but then I forgot there is mad snow out there. I don't get along to well with cold weather, it brings the sissy out of me lol. 

Will be headed to the mall today which I'm like "Eh." I used to love going to the mall when I was younger, gazing at all the things I couldn't afford, well it's still that way today...the affording part, but I find it highly boring now. Window shopping is cool I guess every now and then. Where I truly like to window shop is at a music equipment store. If you want to make this lady smile take me to Guitar Center hahaha! We don't have to cop anything...we can just look, allow me to fantasize.  

Some flicks I took out of sheer boredom. Oh yeah this is my favorite shirt (Hello Kitty) that shrunk to a devastating small size. I was incensed. You can't tell from these angles, but it rolls up passed my belly button, pretty soon it's going to be sitting on top of my breasts LOL. I refuse to get rid of it. :( 

Actually I'll show you. See that grey undershirt is normal length. In the words of Flo from Good Times, "Damn, Damn, Daaaaaamn!"

Ooooweeeeree I didn't notice I have those hairy Italian arms LMAO







Saturday, January 5, 2013

Humbled.

Yo shout out to my friend Paul aka Paulie lol from London! His words are always inspiring and keep a smile on my face! Thank you

Also another shout out to my sister Dee Lioness!

I am so humbled by the love others show me. There are no words to describe it. I just give so many thanks.

I love y'all

Friday, January 4, 2013

Above All Else



Moving to the rhythm of pulsating silence
chaos awaits near the exit
impatiently seeking, grappling, and groping the next willing vessel
distraction provides scandal to itching ears
they long to belong...singing with vain routine
circling the valley for 40 years without wonder...stubborn
where is the pursuit of change?
Strength, inside the roots of the soul denied by theory
Lift the veil. Look up.
allow the Light's piercing rays to shed the scales from the eyes
The temporary discomfort will fade...short lived
only to be redeemed by a Lifetime of knowing.
A Lifetime.
Of Knowing.

Rise Above. 

--Ensilence [Free-write]

A Little Secrecy

Let me tell you my secret...

I enjoy making you smile.

-ensilence



Expect the Unexpected.

Everything that could go wrong DID.

Postponed the trip until things re-fall in place. Smh...the chain of events, I mean one after another, were ridiculous .

In other news, I have an opportunity offered to me. Hopefully I get a call back from this organization. It would be a total blessing.

Change gone come.

It already is so I give my highest thanks


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Road Trip Cherry Poppin






Preparation. Excited and a little tired...but when am I not? I will be doing my FIRST road-trip today. I'm headed to Florida which is a 15 hour drive from my hometown. It will be well worth the the drive! Family time! I never been to the beach or seen the ocean...I will get a to bask in one of God's amazing wonders tomorrow! My heart is smiling. This year is truly a new start...and I AM READY. 

This will be the first of many trips to come. I recently had some great news through a wonderful conversation yesterday...I must say God works in mysterious ways but one has to be open to change in direction. Where one door is shut, another one is opened. 

Love, Peace, and Openness, I welcome with my whole heart.

I have some last minute packing to do. I'll be traveling with my two baby sisters and a friend. Two cameras will be on deck, a lot of laughs and smiles. Drama free. Will be hitting my aunties house to rest in South Carolina, love...love family. I will bask in these moments.

Prayers to arrive and make it back from our destination safely.


Permanent Grinch grin until further notice. :D



Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Dope Find

Came across a dope tumblr recommended from a discussion board. I digs it, some great art and interesting concepts. If ya dig it then click it.

 http://afrofuturistaffair.tumblr.com/










New Growth...3 Years in the Making!


It's a new year, but I count every single day that I can open my eyes, inhale, exhale, as a blessing. God willing, I look forward to many, many more.

Speaking of new growth, I am celebrating my 3 year anniversary of going back to natural (my hair). To say nonetheless, it has been an interesting ride. It has taught me that beauty comes in all packages and that ALL textures are beautiful. One should never be ashamed of one's true roots but due to social conditioning, this has been the case. Mental slavery has sunk its fangs deep into the entrails of society using bondage as an agent to shape, mold, and break individuals. It's success has be proven over and over again which is why knowledge is the undo-er of this process as long as it's applied properly.For me, this was the case as it is for countless others.

I had an understanding to a degree but the poisoning of my thoughts and why I didn't have "manageable" hair was overpowering. It took some research and self searching to abolish the self loathing sentiments. I can truly say it brought a sense of pride and comfort about who I am. It exposed me to the history of my ancestors in a different light. This is why I can't stress enough about learning one's history and just history in general. There is so much beauty in different cultures...so much to learn.

 I love every strand, every kink, and every coil of my hair. And it's dope how many styles can be rocked. Kinky or "nappy", you can call it what you want, all I know is that it's sexy and beautiful.

On my Jimi Hendrix "Swag" lol. All natural baby :)