Growing into My Own

I finally found my journal last night. Spent my day praying, meditating, and reading. I needed that peace because my spirit was in a heavy spot.

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6-6-2013

Two months and a world of things are occurring, Blessings and Curses. I would like to keep this entry brief but that might not happen.

I've opened my world to new beautiful souls, quite attractive. The connection between our minds and spirits is something brand new to me. I have met people like this before but not on a physical plane. They show me...ME through them and I appreciate that. All the reason I've avoided writing entries  because my thoughts show me who I really am. I find it strange and liberating to be at home with folks I hardly know yet feeling like they have been a part of my life since I entered this world. How does that work? Their names in combination means, "Dawn" and "Refreshing", which is interestingly beautiful within itself.I choose a journey to pursue a journey through Music as well as Truth and Love. I pray to keep these beautiful people in my life and nothing petty divides us. I thank the Most High for them.

I still feel like a lone soul trying to break from my shell and understand why I feel the way I feel about myself. I know it's going to take time to get to the bottom of my heart. I hope those around me have patience. I have so many questions with so little answers. I know I have to look within for the majority if not all. I've been doing a lot of thinking, meditating and even some praying. Longing to understand why things happen the way they do, I often take refuge in silence. That may actually be the reason for my artist/poet name. I'll use that reasoning for sure.

Some off the wall thoughts I may put here and regret later...I feel like maybe God is ignoring me...or maybe not, I am blessed, but with certain things..I'm on that ignore list. I don't know. Things I "feel"  are "dire" but maybe I can find within myself?

I grew up in the church. I saw things that were beautiful when I had no understanding and ugly when I understood. Today, if they saw me, they would say I'm a backslider, that I'm running from my calling , or that I'm straddling the fence. Even when I was a part of the church they didn't know how to take me. As one man called himself prophesying to me, he stated, "You're an odd one." That's right. I'm unconventional, a bit strange and that is OK. It took me a LONG time to accept that, now that I have, the LOVE is that much more powerful. 

Why do we feel we need to fit in a group? Why do we feel we need to be controlled? Why are we scared of true "Change"? 

If I want to know something, I will search the four corners of the earth for understanding. Feel me?


Much Love

-ensilence