Back to the Basics

I want to get back to scribbling on napkins, scattered loose leaf sheets, and small notebooks in my purse. You know that urge that you might miss a word so you keep a pen in close quarters? I miss that. One can do something so much that it becomes mundane. 

I want and need something to spark my mind.

Yo...play that beat back. I might need a refill on this ink.



 

Ensi Smile Wide

These videos took place at random, just a fun interview thing I did with my baby sister. We stay acting a fool lol. I love her.

Yo if you can handle this then you can handle me because this is how I am on a REGULAR day LOL

My Quest...

My faith has always provided a way of escape, at least in my mind. I give many thanks, understanding the struggle within self can be conquered. Sometimes I feel like the weight is overbearing then I breathe, cry, pray and meditate. Not in that particular order. I find that one can get so locked in one's own situation that rest of the world is forgotten. The many situations others face are far more difficult and I am humbled by that as well as bearing intense guilt. 

I think I am afraid of many things, things that I honestly have no control over, so why do I even fret? What causes these mirages of deception? Is it deep insecurities? Afraid of failure? I ask myself these questions frequently. I bear half answers. Actually I take that back I bear the whole as I allow my past to harass who I am to become. At 27 years old, I found myself just starting to live. Arriving late in the game of life, something inside me still whispers, "You have a chance to win." I pray that small voice never becomes mute. Yes, I am in the pursuit for happiness that cannot be quenched by reservoirs of materialism or status. I want Peace and not to neglect the teachings in my faith, that He provides that Peace because I believe, it is the "maintaining" portion that I need to grasp. One thing I do know is that every thing comes with a lesson as well as experience. I am a bit impatient in certain areas and too lax in others.

I will state some things I learned about myself just this year : (bear with me as I may skip around a bit)

I Am Beautiful- Even if I find it difficult to say or type, considering I've always associated it with outward appearance. I am learning to love myself. My heart does count...my character...my spirit. For years I've allowed negative words to have dominion over my mind which in return swayed my actions. So I locked myself away in myself, became isolated from the outside. This began in my teens and worsened in early adulthood. I adopted a hermit like lifestyle which led to severe depression and health problems. I found some freedom when I joined a dance ministry at my home church around 21. I found a way I could touch lives other than just music. Even then I still struggled with who I was. My music became my main vein as I practiced, wrote, and studied my craft, I released. I developed and grew artistically but was still mentally bound. Fast forward to 24 or 25, same condition, same results and suddenly I snapped. I lost a ton of weight (as told in previous entries) to redirect my health which saved my life. When one makes change to take better care of one's self, the outlook begins to shift. I begin to think more positively because what can one accomplish with a negative viewpoint? How long can one sustain a downtrodden spirit without any attempts to look up? Change had to come because I told myself I will not live to see 30, that thought...those words devastated me because in my darkest moments I knew death wasn't the answer. I got up, regardless of how many times I've fell/failed, I rose above that. I still am to this day. I began to forge better relationships and was amazed at how many people actually cared about me. I love my family, I will say a lot of them do not know about these situations but either way their love as well as God's has kept me from going totally off edge. I guess I say all this because one needs to know that words can build and destroy a person, especially when those seeds are planted in a child. It wasn't just  focused on the physical but mental too. Be careful because total restoration can take years.

Piece by piece, and step by step I am healing. I am learning. I am smiling. I am not weak but strong. I'm not a victim but a survivor. I am not ugly...I am beautiful.

Strength In My Walk- Each day brings forth a new challenge, new a lesson, a new experience, it is up to me to take advantage or falter. No one can hinder me but me at this point. The journey has just begun. :)

Progress- It feels good to take those first steps, now it's time for completion. I am prepared for the unexpected. I expect nothing from anyone and am grateful for what I have.


And God Bless who reads all of this because it is a novel LOL. I love you and thank you for being part of my journey.

In 4 the Long Haul

Heeeeeeey :) Juice fast Update

So It is Day 17 right, right? I'm making it but not unscathed lol. Yo, for real, temptation be all up in my ear...on some, "Brit...go ahead a taste a few a those Pound cake crumbs and while you at it lick some of that chicken residue off that plate. Go ahead...handle that!"

Ridiculous right? Hey, it's real on the battle field though. Mind over matter, that statement is easier said than done. What helps me get over these humps is that I can see the outcome or end result. I understand that every struggle is me just taming my flesh to get aligned with my spirit. Discipline, we preach it but can we LIVE it? So many times we allow carnal things to overpower and rule our lives and forgetting most of them are temporal. Short lived pleasures and sometimes empty desires leave us...empty.I want more. My constant concern is peace of mind, loving and sowing good seed in my fellow man. I want to be a stepping stone not a stumbling block.  I know enough never seems to be enough but as long as I am doing my absolute best then I am headed in the right direction.This is my main focus.

I uploaded an update video on my journey. Oh yes, I can't forget to add a flick of my favorite "thang" I'm drinking on!

BOOM!!!

Yo those joints hit the spot EVERY TIME!

Much Love!

Repeat.

This joint has been on repeat for the last couple days. Every word rings true to me.

"Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back..."

Unsung

The path of an artist is unsung. Braving the elements, starving in the four corners, He or She doesn't see walls of restriction, just opportunity to paint beauty on the obscene. Not a square inch goes untouched without greeting the brush. Openness and honesty, soul mates in the caravan of creation. See what you feel as a wintry chill can be the interpretation of a brisk wind of inspiration or a frigid vein of Truth. An artist's eye is stairwell to the temple of his or her soul. "Madness" has been the blind definition, stigmatizing label stapled on the backs of many creators. Society gets lost on what it "thinks" it knows. Artistry knows nothing is without question.

If it is deserving of a label, I will simply call it Freedom.

I choose this path or should I say it has chosen me? As Miss Badu stated, "If I stumble off the path, my heart will guide me back."

Where is your journey taking you today?

Infinite Yawns :)

I'm hungry. 

Food for thought....any takers? Any givers? 

Let's ignite a peaceful...piece-full  exchange. :)

Eyelids Shut Temporarily

Aye mayne.

Blessed to be awake from my power nap. I give thanks to the Most High. I will begin my day with a smile.

Wish I had a booty to squeeze, some man breasteses to smother my face in as I embrace for that hug as well as some succulent lips to exchange a little tongue kiss.... I can dream lol.

Aaah well. Much love and blessings!  

Resilience

It's been festering since I can remember so these thoughts come unwarranted.

Karma. I've made mistakes and some not so good decisions. I apologized, asked for forgiveness, and with action meant it with my heart but I understand consequence is seeking me out. It will find me and I will suffer as I am now...I get it. How have I allowed my insecurities to bleed over into other areas of my life? I remember moments when I said, "That wouldn't be me", and later I became that which I said I wouldn't. I wore those shoes, ashamed and regretful. I despise what happened and myself at that time. I will say it allowed me to view the ugly which I haven't seen before. I needed to see that so I could change it. Here I am standing, not in my past but looking on. Not even my family knows nor the closest soul that I have communed with, what lies in my heart or the chambers of my mind.

Yo, fuck running and being scared. I can/will love through the pain. I can love ME through it. I can love YOU through it. Will it be easy? No. Everything has it's hardship but we ARE overcomers. Love doesn't hurt but we do because we are carriers of old baggage. We are mental and emotional hoarders institutionalized by our fears. We are burdened warriors with lowered heads and slouched shoulders. We navigate the past waters hoping to discover the treasure we once lost. YOU are that treasure, a diamond in the rough. Your beauty is untouched. Those imperfections and flaws are perfection in the eyes of God and I embrace it all without faltering. The question is do you embrace it? I won't allow another mans template to become my blueprint...my all seeing eye. I've painted many landscapes in this lifetime, all different from the other, varying in hue and meaning yet bearing one similarity: Love. 

No matter what tomorrow brings, whether tragedy or victory, Love will always be the anchor to my spirit and the driving force of my work. My place of dwelling will be proudly saturated with it's presence withstanding the formidable strongholds life produces. I'm prepared and I can wait. It's worth it. You're worth it. We all are.


This sounds like a sad love song. Damn.

 

I need a hug.

Dreamers Road

Where do I begin? I feel like I am starting over, standing on square one. This familiar place is an uneasy one and to be honest I'm not sure what the next step will be. I say God willing, I will have things in place tomorrow but we both know tomorrow isn't promised. I want to remove myself from this type of thinking and act now. There was a choice provided to me recently, that I could move to the west-coast and attend school there. I tried explaining that  it may be unwise considering the amount of debt I would accumulate would not translate into a career, seeing as I am already doing my music. A degree in it? Possibly 80 to 90 grand under for a degree as a "Artist"? Where do they do that at? What is the job market like? You feel me? That is reality. I am attending school for something totally different at the moment. My heart jumped at the thought to going to LA and having endless opportunities but this may not be the route. I've been here before just at a different time and mindset. I understand take risks but there is also something called Wisdom knocking at my door.  I have to find a way to elevate from where I am because it's not looking good at all.

Much Peace to the dreamers. I want live mine but don't know how.

You're Beauty

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. -Khalil Gibran

Turn Down The Sound

Listen to THIS.

Silent Day

So I've been turned down twice, eh? Such is single life.

On a brighter note I might be making my first road trip at the end of the month, an 11 hour drive to my aunties house in South Carolina....then a 5 hour one from there to Florida to see my nephew. I am excited and I am definitely going to bring the video and digital cam. You know...one has to highlight those crazy moments. :)   Traveling is something I always wanted to do and I think this trip will the open floodgates...yes I cannot wait.


Oh yes, I also heard some ear candy that made me smile today. A new track by my young brother Yorel Tifsim called Ourhourrr. Fresh smooth sounds.  Check it here:

https://soundcloud.com/yoreltifsim/ourhourrr

"I need an hour to explain."

Freedom from the Internal and External Chains

Doing some cleansing physical and spiritually with the strength of the Most High, I WILL be successful. I'm at the age where what I put in my body affects me almost immediately. I can no longer devour some of my favorite foods without the repercussions. Sometimes I'm stubborn and will eat them anyway smh. It's battle of the "Sweet-tooth"! I decided to juice fast for a month or longer. I do this often, it keeps me on key. It allows me to focus not only what I put in my body but also what I allow in my mind and spirit. The awareness is more potent in my opinion. I will be doing an update video when I am near the halfway mark, Day 15.  It is already Day 6...man time flies! I will let you know how I am doing and feeling through the whole process. This is not my first time on this journey, I actually begin to implement this into my lifestyle two years ago. I battled with my weight for at least half of my life to the point where I had mental breakdowns, suffered severe depression (sometimes it still shows it's face), and medical issues to the point where it almost cost me my life. I am blessed to be here. I've lost about 100 lbs ( I was 235) and honestly I don't plan on ever going back...ever. Yo, comparing how I feel NOW and THEN are worlds apart...straight up.  I found freedom through Juice fasting. Fasting in general is beautiful, it's been around since the beginning of time and the benefits are amazing. 

How I came across the whole process...well I always understood fasting from a biblical standpoint, scratch that I thought I did. I didn't know there were many types of fasting. I simply hit up google and looked up as much literature as possible on it and was blessed/enlightened by it. 

Here is just one of the sites I came across, there are so many more and the historical/cultural understanding behind it is also amazing. Much Love Y'all!

http://www.freedomyou.com/juice_fasting_freedomyou.aspx

Smooth Groove

The Pieces

I may be broken but I am not defeated.

Giving thanks in the midst of the storm, being prepared for something greater always lends hope. I know my tears are not in vain.

It's a New Day and Nobody Knows My Name

I released some new music today. Some people may be familiar with it since I have a compulsive problem with releasing music before the "official" release. I know...I'm working on it lol. Sometimes I feel like I can't wait I want the world to hear it NOW.  I like it. Now if I was signed to a label that would be a different story :). 

Let me give you a little backdrop behind these projects starting with New Day. This is a collaborative EP that I have been working on since mid year. I've wanted to do a project where it features other artists. I recall talking to one of my friends and he said, "This album (referring to his own) I think I'll do it Ensilence style...where it's just all me, no features". We laughed about it and later I went back and looked through my discography and I really didn't have many features. This is wasn't on purpose, it just happens that I record in spurts and I release. From then on I was like this next project has to be with all the dope artists I vibe with and to be honest sometimes I'm a little teeny tiny bit intimidated to ask them. I know....ridiculous right? My mind works that way sometimes...a lot of times against me. I was blessed to have the opportunity to work with eight DOPE MC's: Cayoz, Spliz, Frigid Giant, Moemaw Naedon, Tryf Bindope, Concrete Cee, Idasa Tariq, and Yorel Tifsim. I am so honored to have them on this project! I would love to do another sometime in the near future. Nothing feels better than building with other great artists. Thank you guys so much!

Now onto the next EP, Nobody Knows My Name. This one is basically just loose leaf tracks I compiled after Exile which was actually  for the original project, New Day but I changed the format of how I wanted to present it at the last minute. I'm very satisfied by the turnout because I thought I wasn't going to get it out before the end of this year due to my procrastination.

Behind The Names: One of the hardest things for me to do is come up with titles, whether for songs or albums, it is a struggle!  I have no clue why this is...at all.  For New Day, to me it was just a basic concept of "let's start over and refresh." That is the type of mindset that I like to wake up with by giving thanks and saying this is a new beginning.

Nobody Knows My Name stems from that actual statement lol. It's also the name of a book from a great writer by the name of James Baldwin. When I started to get into "heavy reading" back when, I was introduced through his literature and was blown away. Such a great thinker which reminds me, I need to get back to my reading. iIt brings such an awakening that it's unreal.

You can check out the new music at my bandcamp page here: Also it's Free!

http://ensilence.bandcamp.com/

Much Love and thank you for the support








 

BE

Don't deprive yourself of truly living. There is more to life than existing. Be that visionary, paint the world with your love. Dreams can manifest into reality, it's up to you to take those first steps. I'm in transition to following course of these very words. Much peace be unto your path. Sow good seed and you will reap the blessing your heart desires.


I make this a prayer.

Standing in faith, I put this into gear. Faith without works is dead.

Go on...BE LEGENDARY.

Album Artwork Inspiration

If you have recently viewed my my latest album covers, you can see I really draw from the influence of Blue Note Style covers. Simplicity is beautiful. I saved some more for inspiration. I also love the style of photography as well. Herbie Hancock has dope ones. Overall I haven't come across one I didn't like.

I love them.

Something Untitled

I want to get to a point where I can do an entry on here daily. A million and one things on my mind with no where for them to exit, what now? I ask myself this...vain repetition, that is all it is.

I wrote something earlier. I may fix it up and put it over a beat.

Tell me the pains in my stomach aint the summons of my fears

factors at least a hundred dozen

it's puzzling, stumbling' on that tight rope didn't seem to reduce me to plummeting

you can say it's Grace that I'm juggling...by the skin of my teeth

second time this week, please don't rub it in

a lack of sustenance

I asked God for the strength of a hundred men

if I could trade it in...I woulda asked for money

might get lucky, hit the lotto and maybe they'll quit actin funny

just another monkey on my back, 

where the love at? memories snub that

took the axe to my tear-ducts

hoping the tears would clear up...

Dusted and Busted

So I decided to dust off my trumpet, even after I complained in a recent conversation about how I can't handle my lip muscles feeling like they're going to pop like a balloon...OR how the middle of  my lip will get callous and that isn't sexy especially if that is one of the most luscious parts of my body ( I know that is such a ridiculous excuse). Reality is this, I am intimidated mixed with a little sprinkle of laziness. Taking on such a task requires that I learn how to read music, practice consistently, and much needed patience. That last one, "patience", is a killer but I'll get over it. I don't know what triggered this desire. Could it be the beautiful shiny layer of it's outer frame? No. Maybe it's the glorious piercing sound that makes my hair stand on the back of my neck when I hear Miles play it? Yeah, that might be it. I was always intrigued by horns. I did play the trombone temporarily in elementary school, when I say temporarily I mean less than a month lol. My mother was pissed and I don't blame her. I quit because one of my close friends that attended band practice with me quit his instrument. I didn't want to attend the class alone so of course I lied, as my excuse was I didn't enjoy it anymore; well my mom said NEVER again lol.

Back to where I started, I decided  that I'm going to blow a few sounds out, you know get my lungs flowing right because sometimes they whistle. Anways let's just say it was a tragic sight to behold. Yo, for real I swear I seen flashes of white light in my eyes as the were vibrating horrendously. It was probably my blood pressure going up. My lungs aren't fit yet lol. Not at ALL. It will come in due time but my heart was like, "Put it down Brit...before you cause further damage to your health." I want to learn!

I'm working on it!

"My Lips Still Sexy Right?" LOL

Let My Tape Rock til My Tape Popped!

Nostalgia.

There was a time where one couldn't afford to cop the new albums, it was easier to cop a Maxwell/Memorex recordable tape and dub it! All the dope jams that would spin on the Friday night mix would go on that joint! When it ran out of room flip it over and wash, rinse, and repeat! I had to make sure it was ready the night before, so I could bump it on my way to school, rocking a wannabe Starter jacket and fresh pair LA Gear sneakers, you know the ones that light up at the bottom, chea I couldn't afford those British Knights or Rebook Pumps. These worked just as fine, as long as they were clean I was good....but I can't front I would trip anytime Fila would drop something new. That was the atmosphere then, everyone on the block wanted to one up each other when it came to looking fresh, that was and still is the culture. Anyways, I was more concerned with what time we were going to play tackle football, now THAT was my thing. I was a hardcore tomboy and I always tell my mother God is going to make me pay for what I put her through when I was younger by giving me daughter that will be the same way lol. It's all good though but man do I miss those days.

Goosebump Theory

Saturday Night, relaxing here, quiet and alone in my thoughts, jamming to some of those refreshing sensual quiet storm jams. Goose-bump theory, mmmmm music has a way of shifting moods subtly. Sensual, soothing, smooth, I'm glad I have it. It says what I want to say but fall short.  Red Light Special, turn it down low, it's a nasty playground for my mind. See, as an artist, we're multidimensional, there are many layers to our platform :  powerful, creative, truthful, vulnerable, sensual...too many to identify at the moment; but one should never be afraid to unveil his or herself. I been in this place before, but now that I'm grown...I want more, you know the kind of love that massages the mental as well as the physical. Let me not forsake the spiritual, that's a significant foundation that molds the union. It's getting late and my soul couldn't be more alive. I was looking for ways I could pen this in a verse but I think I'll let it ride out as I'm typing. Sometimes there is not enough minutes on the track, not enough space to make it fit but as a writer sometimes the ideas come unexpectedly. Whether welcome or unwelcome, I have to release to or be forever bound of what could have been. Yeah, I'm feeling it right now...and it feels so good. Ear candy.

Raphael Saadiq's, "Ask of You" playing, where has these type of songs gone? Good thing music is timeless, so much nostalgia. I have yet to have my first slow dance, my first kiss, intimacy...I will be honored to have such beautiful music be the backdrop. Music is nonstop in my world, I'd be lost without it at this point.

 LOVE

Greatness

Rewind To Dec 1st 2012

I started a rebirth that can't be reversed....

Performing at the Smiling moose, Pittsburgh PA. Bookmark these because my progress in the near future will be astounding. I'm still learning...bear with me.

A Broke Sistas Dream

Only Built 4 Nubain Linx

Brothaz Love Cool Jane

Elevators Remix

Properly Manifested feat. Moemaw Naedon

If You Only Knew

Many Many Thanks

I want to personally thank Fortified PhonetX for inviting me to be featured on the show list at their album Release Party, "The Plastic Eaters". They tore the place down! I am so honored to have been a part of that moment. Those fellas can rock the crowd! I'm so proud of them.

I had a great time meeting new faces and catching up with some old ones. A beautiful experience. I was captivated by the energy in the place and was quickly reminded why I love this artform so much. I started thinking...why did I ever stop performing in the first place? How dare I let my fears dictate my passion, never again! This is the beginning of a wonderful journey and I appreciate and welcome every twist and turn; it will prepare me for something greater. Reflecting back, I extremely blessed to have so many people in my corner. It boggles my mind to think that people really feel my music like that, humbling indeed. I dreamed of this on many occasions but not in such detail. I am the keeper of the dream I hope to obtain. I look forward to meeting and working with as many people as I can. I will do this until my body and mind says otherwise.


A Great Shout-out to:
Connect Rhymes
Moemaw Naedon
Frigid Giant
DJ Blacklisted
Proseed, 
Kid A ( I was swooned by your eyes during Brothaz Love Cool Jane lol)
Rory
B. Durazzo
Mr. Owl
Raw Dawn
my big bro Dru Magus.
And the beautiful people who approached me after the performance.

And love to my baby cousin Maurice who came and supported me. It was my first time driving to Pittsburgh and I thank him for keeping me company. I have a lofty fear of getting on the wrong exit lol. We almost...almost got lost (twice) but thankful for that GPS. Yo whomever created the GPS...you are Godsent, Bless you!

I look forward to many more of these experiences. I am genuinely excited to see where I go from here.

Oh yeah also shout out to the parking attendant that made me pay $10 to park at the Giant Eagle parking lot. (sarcasm). I truly that thought  we were going to be late, walking  7 blocks to get to the spot...my God. I'm not use to that city life so CP time is unacceptable. We made it though. and hit up a fly Chinese spot in the area. Let me not forget that the traffic was ridiculous so my foul language got turned up a couple notches lol.  All in all it was great!


Cop and Support the Fortified PhonetX album The Plastic Eaters here:
http://fortifiedphonetx.bandcamp.com/

Good music should never go unheard or unsupported. Artists need to eat in order to continue doing what they do best. It's a long hard road.

Much Peace and One Love 

Peace...

PEACE.

My heart requires this.

Gentle Aggression

His thoughts, his heart, his openness got me open....like for real.

I'm thinking "I like you a lot...a lot a lot and I want to build a great friendship."

...also thinking "I know you're fragile, not that reflecting weakness, but that from which the past has delivered, a harshness that has shattered the very foundation where you placed your trust. Those pieces, I want to handle them with gentleness...as I do you."

Kindred spirits evenly placed.

No Sleep!

Today may be one of those rare occasions when I drop like 10 posts in one day. I can feel it in the air. Every year I look back, scratch that, everyday I look back and count my blessings. I've met some beautiful and not so beautiful people in a short period of time. Every encounter has been a valuable lesson none the less. No one enjoys the pain that comes with this journey, in fact there are times when I dread the "thought" of it. Who doesn't though? There are days when I think, "Yes! I got it!" and others where I just want to hit the refresh/restart button. I will say this though, the feeling of being "Loved" couldn't be any better, and I'm talking starting with self. I don't only see the transformation, I feel it and I will it. I wouldn't trade this experience in for the world. Everyday is a new start and for that I am eternally grateful!

Starting Over

I will soon be performing again :) I am elated, nervous, thankful, nervous but relaxed at the same time. Did I say nervous? lol Yes I hope to meet many new people. Stepping out my comfort zone once again never hurt so good.

Time

Goes extremely too fast for my liking. It's been over year. Shame, shame, shame.

Zoned out. I may start writing again. I figure I can throw the rumblings of my spirit into the universe once again. What will come of this? I honestly don't know. All I know is that I'm searching, quietly but surely. One day I will learn is too little too much? Or too much really too little?

Less is more right? More or less I hope the Most High grants me wisdom and forgives me of my short comings.