Resilience

It's been festering since I can remember so these thoughts come unwarranted.

Karma. I've made mistakes and some not so good decisions. I apologized, asked for forgiveness, and with action meant it with my heart but I understand consequence is seeking me out. It will find me and I will suffer as I am now...I get it. How have I allowed my insecurities to bleed over into other areas of my life? I remember moments when I said, "That wouldn't be me", and later I became that which I said I wouldn't. I wore those shoes, ashamed and regretful. I despise what happened and myself at that time. I will say it allowed me to view the ugly which I haven't seen before. I needed to see that so I could change it. Here I am standing, not in my past but looking on. Not even my family knows nor the closest soul that I have communed with, what lies in my heart or the chambers of my mind.

Yo, fuck running and being scared. I can/will love through the pain. I can love ME through it. I can love YOU through it. Will it be easy? No. Everything has it's hardship but we ARE overcomers. Love doesn't hurt but we do because we are carriers of old baggage. We are mental and emotional hoarders institutionalized by our fears. We are burdened warriors with lowered heads and slouched shoulders. We navigate the past waters hoping to discover the treasure we once lost. YOU are that treasure, a diamond in the rough. Your beauty is untouched. Those imperfections and flaws are perfection in the eyes of God and I embrace it all without faltering. The question is do you embrace it? I won't allow another mans template to become my blueprint...my all seeing eye. I've painted many landscapes in this lifetime, all different from the other, varying in hue and meaning yet bearing one similarity: Love. 

No matter what tomorrow brings, whether tragedy or victory, Love will always be the anchor to my spirit and the driving force of my work. My place of dwelling will be proudly saturated with it's presence withstanding the formidable strongholds life produces. I'm prepared and I can wait. It's worth it. You're worth it. We all are.


This sounds like a sad love song. Damn.

 

I need a hug.