It Cannot Stay

Within each experience of pain or negativity is the opportunity to challenge the perception that lies behind it, the fear that lies behind it, and choose to learn with wisdom. The fear will not vanish immediately, but it will disintegrate as you work with courage. When fear ceases to scare you, it cannot stay. When you choose to learn through wisdom, to evolve consciously, your fears surface one at a time in order for you to exorcise them with inner faith. This is how it happens. You exorcise your own demons. ~Gary Zukav

New Music and a Strange Place

Ok so I've released a new EP  titled "Divine Pain".  I wrote a recent message on Facebook describing why I chose that name for the title.

"This project was purely therapeutic. As you may or may not know, I battle with severe depression, so instead of wallowing in my darkness...my craft is my anchoring light that allows me to lift above my pain...which to me, is Divine. Divine Pain."

To be honest it is uncomfortable to talk about but when I put the pen to the paper, when the words release from my lips into the mic, when they greet the instrumental, it becomes a mirror, allowing me to see myself and face my inner fears. This is what I needed. My creative...I NEED THAT.

The theme can be summed up by the wise words of Kahlil Gibran: 
 
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." Kahlil Gibran


You can purchase the new release at my bandcamp:
http://ensilence.bandcamp.com/album/divine-pain

Or you can just download it Free here: 
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?f2rrw83x66m2t4r

I love this awesome artwork by Sit Haiiro. I think I may have posted it on here before, not quite sure. Either way it is such a moving piece and summed up the condition of my heart at the time.

Much love to the producers: 
Iller the Abstract Giraffe, Fathom 9, G-Force, Melodiesinfonie, DJ Profecy, Rice Master Yen, and Maloon TheBoom. 

Such Talents. I love working with such gifted people. They bring light into my world.

Much love beautiful people.

I love you.

--ensilence

Dance

Dance.

Until the pain is No More

And the toil of your soul knows joy.

For one cannot transpire without the other.

Count it all a blessing.

Balance is restored.

--ensilence

Skin Deep

How should I start this entry? 

Ok at times I am uncomfortable with how I see myself, though the physical is just a shell, I am bombarded by insecurities. You know those unspoken thoughts that keep reminding one of inward and outward shortcomings. I have spoken on this many times before. I need to do a lot of uprooting, so I have to remind myself of why I feel the way I do and how I am going to put it to death.

This blog is not only for my artistic endeavors but my personal experiences, it is for healing, and as I stated above, putting to death my fears and insecurities. I often battle with should I really expose myself in this way? Am I leaving myself open to be wounded? When in reality the wounds exists from within. It will not hurt me for I already have faced the truth of self. I am an open book and  I am leaving my comfort zone in the past...it is very difficult though.

That was the intro of this entry and I still don't know how to go into this lol. This may come out jumbled, nonetheless, I will get to the point. A strange thing happened in my adult years instead of my teens, I began to "break out" aka acne something fierce. Not light but heavy, extremely heavy. This cause me to go into dark withdraw from everything/everybody and magnified every harsh feeling I had about myself, overall severely depressed  It was terrible.I want to link it to stress and poor diet but really it's pretty hereditary. I avoided pictures like my life depended on, I avoided the opposite sex and deemed I will be "forever alone". How does one's skin dictate this though? How does outward appearance make one feel worthless? That is mental sickness. Rigid and low self esteem leads to a very dismal existence. Excuse my language but that shit is a cycle and generational curse that HAS to be broken, or one will be forever "broken". How I let myself get to these levels of despair is beyond me. But I renounce and cast that shit OUT.

My fear was to ever release these types of photos out there but I have to confront MY fear and HEAL.

As you can see in many of my pictures I take off the blemishes.

Yo, this was my skin in 2011.

This is my skin now 2013

My whole point is this, if you can't properly love self then how can you go on loving someone else without the underlying feeling that your flaws dictate how he or she views you? It will cause a rift in the relationship therefore becoming unbalanced and unhealthy.

SELF LOVE..

I am healing internally and externally :)

Much Love and Blessings

-ensilence

I Think

Long suffering is
to reach out  to touch the mirages in my imagination
the Oasis undiscovered.
Undisclosed.
Breathless.
I retreat inside self.
Here...I find it just as merciless as outside.
Restless. 
I dig the sunshine more than rain
but I need the rain to know I can feel.
Growth doesn't stop because of pain.

-ensilence