Skin Deep

How should I start this entry? 

Ok at times I am uncomfortable with how I see myself, though the physical is just a shell, I am bombarded by insecurities. You know those unspoken thoughts that keep reminding one of inward and outward shortcomings. I have spoken on this many times before. I need to do a lot of uprooting, so I have to remind myself of why I feel the way I do and how I am going to put it to death.

This blog is not only for my artistic endeavors but my personal experiences, it is for healing, and as I stated above, putting to death my fears and insecurities. I often battle with should I really expose myself in this way? Am I leaving myself open to be wounded? When in reality the wounds exists from within. It will not hurt me for I already have faced the truth of self. I am an open book and  I am leaving my comfort zone in the past...it is very difficult though.

That was the intro of this entry and I still don't know how to go into this lol. This may come out jumbled, nonetheless, I will get to the point. A strange thing happened in my adult years instead of my teens, I began to "break out" aka acne something fierce. Not light but heavy, extremely heavy. This cause me to go into dark withdraw from everything/everybody and magnified every harsh feeling I had about myself, overall severely depressed  It was terrible.I want to link it to stress and poor diet but really it's pretty hereditary. I avoided pictures like my life depended on, I avoided the opposite sex and deemed I will be "forever alone". How does one's skin dictate this though? How does outward appearance make one feel worthless? That is mental sickness. Rigid and low self esteem leads to a very dismal existence. Excuse my language but that shit is a cycle and generational curse that HAS to be broken, or one will be forever "broken". How I let myself get to these levels of despair is beyond me. But I renounce and cast that shit OUT.

My fear was to ever release these types of photos out there but I have to confront MY fear and HEAL.

As you can see in many of my pictures I take off the blemishes.

Yo, this was my skin in 2011.

This is my skin now 2013

My whole point is this, if you can't properly love self then how can you go on loving someone else without the underlying feeling that your flaws dictate how he or she views you? It will cause a rift in the relationship therefore becoming unbalanced and unhealthy.

SELF LOVE..

I am healing internally and externally :)

Much Love and Blessings

-ensilence